Why Your First Message Matters: Setting the Tone from the Start
When you receive someone’s contact information through a mutual connection, the way you initiate that first message sets the tone for your future interactions. In the US and other English-speaking countries, etiquette and respect are crucial—especially when reaching out for professional, academic, or community reasons. A well-crafted introduction not only shows respect for the person who referred you but also establishes trust and credibility from the outset.
This guide provides practical strategies and real-world examples to help you write a polite and effective first message when reaching out to a new contact.
When and Why Should You Reach Out? Common Scenarios
There are many situations where you might need to contact someone after an introduction: networking for career opportunities, asking for expert advice, joining local groups, or arranging meetings between parents or business partners. Before sending your message, clarify why you’re reaching out and make sure it’s appropriate for the context.
Keep Your Introduction Short, Clear, and Professional
The key to a successful first message is to keep it concise and get straight to the point. Avoid long explanations or excessive details. Make it immediately clear who you are, who referred you, and why you’re getting in touch.
- “Hi, I’m reaching out at the recommendation of [Referrer’s Name].”
- “My name is [Your Name]. [Referrer’s Name] suggested I contact you regarding [topic].”
Always Mention the Referrer’s Name and Your Relationship
To help your new contact place you, mention how you know the referrer and in what context. This reduces any confusion and reassures your contact about your intentions.
- “I was introduced to you by [Referrer’s Name], my colleague at [Company].”
- “[Referrer’s Name] gave me your details after we discussed [shared project/event].”
State Your Purpose Clearly and Respect the Recipient’s Time
Be upfront about why you’re reaching out. If you’re requesting something, make your ask specific and always acknowledge that the recipient may be busy. This shows consideration and professionalism.
- “I’d appreciate any advice you could share when you have a moment.”
- “If you’re available for a brief call, please let me know what works for you.”
Briefly Introduce Yourself with Relevant Details
Since your new contact may not know you, offer a short introduction with relevant information such as your position, background, or shared interests. Keep it brief but informative.
- “I’m a project manager at [Company].”
- “I recently started working on [project/field], and [Referrer’s Name] thought you could offer some insight.”
Add a Personal Touch or Shared Context if Possible
A reference to a shared interest, event, or experience can make your message more engaging and memorable. This helps establish a sense of connection and trust.
- “[Referrer’s Name] mentioned that we’re both interested in [topic].”
- “I understand you’re involved in [group/project] that I’ve recently joined.”
Avoid Overly Personal Questions or Immediate Requests
For the first message, avoid asking for meetings or calls right away unless it’s necessary, and don’t ask for personal information. Give the recipient time and space to respond on their terms.
- “Would you be free to meet tomorrow?” (Not recommended for a first message)
- “Can I call you now?” (Better to ask if they’re available first)
Mind Your Tone, Grammar, and Professionalism
A polite tone, correct grammar, and professional language make a strong first impression. Avoid slang, abbreviations, and overly casual expressions, especially if you don’t know the recipient well.
Sample First Message Templates
Here are some templates for sending a first message to a referred contact:
- “Hello, my name is [Your Name]. [Referrer’s Name] recommended I contact you regarding [topic]. I wanted to introduce myself and see if you might be open to connecting. Thank you for your time!”
- “Hi, I’m reaching out on the advice of [Referrer’s Name]. I have a few questions about [subject], and I’d appreciate your perspective if you have the time. Please feel free to respond whenever is convenient.”
What If You Don’t Get a Reply?
If you don’t receive a response after your initial message, be patient. It’s appropriate to send a brief, respectful follow-up after a few days, but avoid repeated reminders or pressure.
- “I realize you’re very busy, so please don’t feel rushed to reply. I’d appreciate your feedback whenever you have the opportunity.”
After the First Message: Build Trust and Respect Boundaries
Once you’ve received a reply, respect the contact’s pace and preferred communication style. Don’t overwhelm them with frequent messages. When you get helpful feedback or support, always express your appreciation.
Always End with Gratitude
Finish your first message with a simple thank you or appreciation for their time and attention. This shows respect and leaves a positive impression.
Q&A: Frequently Asked Questions
- Q. Can I reach out without a referral?
A. For professional matters, a referral or introduction is usually preferred. If you don’t have one, be extra clear about your intentions and background. - Q. Is it okay to call immediately after being introduced?
A. It’s best to send a message first and ask if they’re available for a call. - Q. What should I do if I get no reply?
A. Wait a few days before sending a polite follow-up. If there’s still no answer, move on without further pressure.
Sending a thoughtful first message to a referred contact can open doors to new opportunities and meaningful connections. With a little courtesy and attention to detail, you’ll leave a strong and positive impression.